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Be

Be yourself.

Unless who you are is awkward or insecure.

Then act confident. Fake it ’till you make it!

But, authentically. Nobody likes somebody who’s inauthentic.

Be sure to stand up for yourself when you’re getting walked all over. Just don’t be bitchy about it. Working with bitchy women is the worst, amirite?

Have morals, but don’t be religious. And if you are, please keep it to yourself. Love Jesus, but stay away from people who disagree with you about Him. Keep your judgements to yourself, but make sure you have plenty of opinions about other peoples’ lifestyles.

Eat crappy food with the dudes. It makes them think you’re cool. But, you know, keep it tight.

If you lose someone you love, grieve in your own way. As long as it isn’t doesn’t take too long, and as long as it looks exactly like the way everybody else grieves. Be sure to be just vulnerable and somber enough about the whole thing without seeming depressed all the time. And for the love of God, don’t make a joke about it that will make somebody uncomfortable.

Be kind always, but only if somebody deserves it.

Have children. Children are a blessing! But be sure to time that perfectly. It’s not like a baby will improve anything about your marriage. But really, have children soon regardless of that. You’re not getting any younger, you know?

Stay late at work and kick ass. But with a really healthy work-life balance. Boundaries are important. But also promotions. But also dinner on the table when your husband gets home.

And wear makeup. But not too much makeup. Make it look natural. You don’t want people to think you’re trying too hard.

Be yourself.

Just, not too much.