Permanent

20150906-mandy-hornbuckle-tattoo-IMG_8646 I started designing my tattoo about a year and a half ago. I didn’t want to make this decision emotionally. Or in the middle of the darkest grief. I wanted to make sure I wanted it. I wanted to be rational. I wanted to be sure.

When I mentioned it once, a friend of a friend replied “A tattoo is just a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling.”

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And the thing is, with all due respect to her, because she had good intentions, she was dead wrong.

There is nothing temporary about this feeling. There is nothing temporary about being his sister. There is nothing temporary about his being my friend. There is nothing temporary about wanting to make him proud. There is nothing temporary about his being gone. There is nothing temporary about his being a part of me.

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And I went into the tattoo place on Friday, nervous but sure. I went into the tattoo place holding her handwriting. His name. A perfect combination.

He would have hated it. I know he would have. He probably would have called me a dolt.

But as much as I always wanted him to think I was cool, it’s not for him. It’s not for anybody but me.

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And for me, it’s perfect.

5 thoughts on “Permanent

  1. Mary Jones

    Mandy, you were an amazing young woman when I knew you at Eagle Ridge, and now you are an amazing grown woman! I love reading your blog posts and how they capture who you are, your terrific sense of humor, and your unending faith in a loving God. Though I had absolutely nothing to do with how you turned out, I am sooo proud of you and who you are!

    Reply

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