When I hear about people who have cancer who I don’t know personally – maybe a friend of a friend – I don’t feel much.
Maybe I should. Maybe I am not doing all that well with my word. Maybe someday I will? Maybe this is a phase, like the bad-sleep thing (and can somebody let me know when THAT phase will be over? IT DOES END, RIGHT?)
But I just… don’t feel much when I hear diagnosis news.
And I don’t think much, except one thought that consistently enters my head.
Either they will die, or they won’t.
Cancer treatments are improving. Tests for catching things earlier are improving. Awareness of the need to check for things are improving. And some people just get damn lucky.*
So I kind of assume people will end up okay. Because most people do these days, it seems.
Or they won’t. And they will die.
And for me, either way, I don’t have much to feel about it.
If they end up okay, it’s a wonderful outcome to which I cannot relate.
They don’t need me to get excited about it. They will feel enough of that on their own.
And if they die, I know all too well that there is absolutely nothing I can do to stifle the pain for whoever cared about them.
They don’t need me to be heartbroken over it. They will feel enough of it on their own.
*(Which is really what it comes down to. Luck. Dumb, dumb luck. Despite many ignorant (non-doctor!) people who think they have all the answers about how really to cure cancer. Chemicals this! Oils that! There’s a doctor in Germany that my cousin’s roommate knows who is developing a new chemo! Nutrition all the things! JUST HAVE ENOUGH FAITH AND CUT THE GLUTEN AND DAIRY!
I DO feel things during those conversations; believe me. And I get a little surprised about how often people tell me stuff like this, considering I don’t think anybody can claim that their natural cancer remedy brings people back from the dead. Hey guys? The ship has sailed for my family. Lecture somebody else about your witch doctor cures. Kthanks.)**
**I feel like I should end with something good and not so ALWAYS-DEPRESSING-MANDY, so I will tell you that Jack and I get to take Devin to Disney World this month and I am PEE MY PANTS EXCITED about that.
Let’s all think about that instead of cancer now.
(Well. Let’s think about Disney with Devin. Not me peeing my pants.)